Last Sunday I sat in the warm(ish) mid-day sun of a late April afternoon. Practicing as best I can some mindfulness meditation, I focused on my view of springs first third offerings.
The past month has been a roller coaster of emotions for me, and trying to figure out what, if any, part or parcel of the emotions I should put focus or meaning was my task on that given Sunday.
My meditation exercise turned me into a leaf for the moment. This leaf as me was floating in the fast flowing current of a beautiful stream. River banks offered up nature’s landscape of flora and fauna as I, the leaf. sped by at the speed of life. This was not a conscious metaphor chosen which I found curious. The leaf was in full throttle when I closed my eyes to focus on my breath.
I let it flow and followed it for the duration of the meditation/journey and was grateful for my actions. You see as the leaf flowed with the current, rouge waves appeared in my meditation and would attempt a swamping of the leaf, but was not successful. The leaf (me) continued on it’s spring journey undaunted, much as I have for most of my life.
My eureka moment came after when I smiled in the warm(ish) sun at my resilience, and gave me a good ol’ pat on the back for weathering a few weeks of storms and rogue waves. I then (as I seem to always do) went into analyzing mode and wondered how or when I reached a point of feeling well-adjusted enough to weather these waves.
Moving from old me who worried about the good opinion that others have of me, to fine tuning that old adage of not giving a rodents rectum to the good opinion of others and finding a sweet spot that gives me more Joy in my acceptance of me, and less emphasis on what my perceptions. I have taken or am taking away what I feel should have no meaning and putting meaning on a more balanced life.
My contentment comes for acceptance. Acceptance of who and what I am. Learning to stop the act of comparing myself to others is not only fruitless, it is a regressive, frustrating exercise.
In learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn’t. You get to decide what to worship. In the day-to day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. I chose to worship the wonderfulness of inner joy. But this inner joy can only “worshipped” as wonderful if we have a “Contended Acceptance”: Accepting ourselves and being fine or contented with that.
So me, David, deaf as a stump, no balance, type 2 diabetes, forgetful, moody at times, silly at times, juvenile and childlike at times, passionate when it is right, lover of cheese… and all of the other character defects and effects that make David, David are accepted.
I am finally getting okay with me!