There are days where the loneliness of living in this liminal space: The space  between the hearing world and the deaf world, is definitely  not an issue of “hearing”. The same plague that the editorialists of our good world are penning these days on the “loneliness of social media” and the damage that FB, Twitter (one syllable two many in my opinion), and other sites where we connect with others in a room by ourselves.

That same loneliness .

So my loneliness is possibly a result of missing out on the social aspect of the hearing world, as I hear shit in rooms of more than three people, and the loneliness of not being accepted by Deaf community because I have a cochlear implant that gives me semblance of sort of sound. That liminal space! This is the fog that drifts in and out of my being. The toxic fog that forces me into my head (a good thing) to figure me out. The fog that needs Halogen or Led  lights so I can see before a favorable wind blows into my life to lift it.

Faith is a courageous act. To have a belief in something without proof is a step that I have taken for other dilemma’s and emergency situations in the past. I need that courage now to have faith that my tinnitus, my deafness, my loneliness from living in this liminal space will be of aid, but the notion that a transcendent force that moves the universe or determines who gets pain and who gets to be happy is, at the moment, fundamentally beyond my reason. So for this reason, I turn to Yoga, group therapy, one-one-one counselling, AA, my wife etc, to be my LED lights. To give me light in the dark toxicity that drifts in.

Grace and Humour is still a noble goal of mine. But today I rely on a mantra from Lao Tzu: “I have just three things to teach: Simplicity, patience, and compassion. These three are your greatest treasures.”

Last I checked the shelves at Walmart and Costco are barren of these treasures, or any “LED” lights to cut through this fog. So I will build my own light to create and maintain these treasures.






6 Replies to “TOXIC FOG”

  1. This sounds bad! And I’m sorry you neither feel part of the hearing world nor the deaf community. For some reason, I’d like to take you to a club. Many people but no one hears anyone. It’s like a lonely space inhabited by multiple people 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s